Managing the Spender / Saver Marriage

2006-11-05

It’s true that opposites attract. And many times it’s carries over into your financial lives. You may be a saver and your spouse a spender. Getting it under control means compromise on both sides. These compromises could be the difference in financial success or failure. According to Money magazine, approximately 84% of married couples cite money as a source of tension in their relationship – mostly stemming from disagreements over spending and saving. So what are your options?

Focus on Goals
Positive reinforcement makes most people feel better about themselves and assists in building self confidence. Try focusing on your financial goals as a couple rather than your individual differences. To accomplish this Mary Claire Allvine suggests you each of you sit down separately and write down your short-term and long-term goals on index cards. Write down one goal on each card. Then put them in order from most important to least. Now sit down together and share your goals with each other. Choose three or four goals that you can work on together as a couple. Each month make these goals top priority by putting money aside to meet your chosen goals. Try setting up an automatic way of saving, like an automatic paycheck withdrawal to a savings account or a bank draft transfer.

Typically, by doing this as a couple, the spender, will tend to waste fewer dollars with a concrete plan. The saver, with a concrete plan in place, will tend to let up on nagging their spender spouse.

Establish Your Financial Space
Just as we all need our personal space, establishing your financial space is just important. No one likes to feel as if someone is looking over their shoulder. To avoid this, establish a designated amount each month as nag-free money. This is money that each can individually spend as they see fit. By doing this, you can keep the stress down, without dinging the bank account. Try depositing paychecks into a joint account and depositing the designated nag-free money into his and her personal accounts. This allows each to spend off of their own accounts while not leaving money in the joint account for bills and larger purchases that the two of you mutually agree upon.

Swap Roles
Try swapping roles for a month. If you are a saver and always balance the checkbook, let the spender take on this responsibility and balance the checkbook for a month. If you are saver and have never brought household supplies or groceries before, go to the store with the household or grocery list and see how you fare. Many arguments are simply a lack of understanding. By taking on each others roles, each can get a better understanding of what the other goes through. By doing so, each can obtain a greater understanding of what it takes to make the household run.

Date Night
Talking about cash can be a difficult situation, but it is vitally important. Don’t talk about money at bedtime, or when one of you is running out the door to work. Agree to meet for say 15 minutes on a neutral day – say a Tuesday or Wednesday earlier in the evening. Let this time be a standing weekly meeting where you can discuss progress towards your short and long-term goals. These meeting will probably be difficult at first, but they will become more comfortable as you see progress.

Don’t Be Too Proud To Seek Help
Sometimes financial problems may be too difficult to solve on your own, and that’s ok. There’s no shame in seeking help. The only shame is knowing you need help and being too proud to ask for it. If one of the spouses is hiding credit card balances, gambling addictions, out of control high ticket purchases, etc you may want to seek the professional help of a financial planner or a marriage counselor. You may even need both. This goes both ways. If you are a saver and are constantly vetoing vacations, dinner out, or enforcing an unrealistic weekly allowance, the problem may not be money related at all. You could be having conscious or subconscious control issues that need to be dealt with.

Celebrate your differences. Remember opposites attract and it’s part of the appeal. There is a balance there; you just have to be willing to put in a little effort to find it. By completing a few simple exercises and more importantly sticking to it, you can be financially successful.

Related Articles:
» Money Management And Your Family
» Personal Finance Tips Top Ten List
» Financial Counseling Before Marriage

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